I am sitting here stuck at a metaphorical crossroads.
All I can see on each of the roads I could choose from is pain.
I could continue straight ahead, along the "therapy"path, focus on myself, get myself well, and one day in the future, if it's not too late, focus on saving the wreck that might still remain of my marriage.
I could turn back, stop therapy, push all emotions related to my childhood back into the abyss, fake happiness and focus 100% on keeping my husband and son happy, and in doing so sacrifice my chance of ever feeling truly at peace with who I am.
I could take a right, tell my husband I no longer want to be married to a man who judges me, and lacks the emotional capacity to support me in the incredibly scary and overwhelming task I am undertaking, of facing the pain that has been lurking inside me since I was 2 years old. This path means risking my son's world being flipped completely upside down and him being robbed of the safety and security he deserves, it also probably means ending therapy because as a single mum I would no longer be able to afford it.
A cross roads has 4 roads. I can't think of the 4th option. Maybe the option I am not thinking of is the one I am supposed to take, but what is it, and how do I find it?
